Give Up The Funk? No Way!
by 494ELB
Summary: After Blaine and the others read an 'article' by Vocal Adrenaline, Kurt teaches The Warblers a lesson or two about himself and New Directions. A one-shot I came up with whilst watching 'Funk' again. Slight Warbler bashing, but all in good humour.


'_New Directions' by Vocal Adrenaline_

'_As you all know, every year, we at Vocal Adrenaline target one school out of each competition stage, and send them spiralling, a sure fire way for us to beat them. This year, it was McKinley's Vocal Adrenaline. Our resident bad boy Jesse St James was all too eager to comply with this task, having been in cohorts with our show choir director beforehand about needing to get close to McKinley midget, Rachel Berry._

_It seems as though he wasn't welcome. Unsurprising really, but what a way to exercise your acting talents! Anyway, here's this competitions victims. First, we have 'Another One Bites the Dust'. What a song to psyche out the competition. And it worked. Their faces fell. Serves them right for actually putting emotion into their performances, and glee club in general. If you want to win, you have to become soulless automatons, and not care! If only everyone understood that._

_Now, I know you are all dying to see what happened next to this bunch of mis-fits. Well, it was the oldest trick in the book really; toilet papered their choir room. We even left a camera there to document their faces. See the link below if you like; we never repeat our pranks, so it won't happen to you!_

_Hilarious, am I right? Doesn't it look as though Queen Berry is heartbroken! Well, she was. Jesse dumped her, and she found out our choir director is her mom; how soul destroying can that be! And just to rub the salt into the wounds, Jesse let slip that she was a vegan. So we egged her, just for good measure. See you at Regional's, New Directions! If you can even show your faces.'_

Blaine shut down his computer, disgusted. Vocal Adrenaline had crossed the line years ago, and this was just beyond it now. He looked over at his best friends. Among them sat the boy from the McKinley Cheerio's uniform, now in Blaine's own uniform. The boy looked up, and walked over to Blaine.

'What's up Blaine?' Kurt smiled. Blaine looked at him closely. There was still a glimmer of regret. He had to go against his family, to keep himself safe. Kurt slowly took the computer from Blaine's lap, and opened it. Blaine watched his eyes read over the article, and then clicked on the video. The hurt that passed through his eyes was nearly erased with the smile that formed as he watched himself be with his family again, even if he was in another uniform.

'That choir room is my third home. None of us could stand that they did that to it.' Kurt sighed. 'Why are you reading this anyway? It was last year.'

'Because Vocal Adrenaline targeted us too. But what they did to you guys was so much worse. Heck, Kurt, I can see your Queen Bitch look from the opposite side of the room. That takes some doing, to produce one that strong. But...' Blaine nudged Kurt. '... I like the outfit you're wearing.'

'I wore the same outfit twice that week. That's how depressed we got. Hey, have all the Warblers seen this?' Blaine nodded. Kurt smirked. 'Good, get them over here now.'

The Warblers were congregated inside the Dalton projection room. Kurt stood front and centre. He looked towards Wes who nodded. 'Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that there is a certain publication by Vocal Adrenaline, about New Directions. No comments about the video please, else I will show you the video from cheerleading nationals that weekend, and still question the council why I am yet to get a solo. In fact I will do that, good thing I have it up on the computer as well.' Kurt hit play on his Video player, and sat back to 14 and a half minutes of his diva, French, self. He practically heard the jaws of the Warblers drop, and it was oh so satisfying. The video ended. 'So, no more questioning Kurt's diva, oui?' He chuckled, and carried on. 'Now, the reason why I've called you here. The week the Vocal Adrenaline made us 'bite their dust' we hit a funk. A serious funk.'

'How serious are we talking?' Thad asked from the council table.

'I wore the same outfit twice and stood up for Rachel, in one week.' Whispers flew round the room. 'Do I need to pull my Queen Bitch face on you lot? Anyway, we finally realised the Vocal Adrenaline had a weakness. As Jamaya said, they are soulless automatons. So we threw this at them.' Kurt hit play again. Damn, he missed New Directions. He slowly began to take off his jacket, feeling slightly warm in his uniform. 'So, who would like to see the faces of Vocal Adrenaline after our performance?' The picture slid onto screen, and a wave of laughter ran round the room. Kurt got a text, and excused himself as the Warblers discussed New Directions more. He smiled as he made his way to the auditorium.

Blaine felt his phone vibrate, and looked at the text. 'Bring the boys to the aud. One last thing for them.' Blaine showed Wes the text, who looked equally as confused, but they both rounded up the boys and headed to the auditorium. They sat down and the lights faded. For a while, all that could be heard was shuffling and then silence. Suddenly, the curtain flew open and Blaine's eyes widened. There, onstage stood Rachel Berry, in her outfit from the performance they just watched.

'Hi guys! We at McKinley are so happy about you're welcoming Kurt into the group...' Her eyes grew cold at this; Blaine gulped. They knew about his audition, and the 'different energy' as Kurt had put it. '... that we felt that we should thank you for making him feel safe. So enjoy!' Blaine looked around, but couldn't see Kurt anywhere. Just as the music began, it dawned on him, as his eyes locked onto the shadow at the far right hand end of the multi-coloured screen. It seemed as though the Warblers realised at the same time, as each of them gasped.

But that wasn't it. As the song drew to the climax, instead of each member doing a few moves down their catwalk, Kurt appeared again, clad in his Cheerio's uniform. He then proceeded to do a complete routine, and start singing again. Finally, the number ended with Kurt front and centre in complete splits, his family surrounding him. As soon as the music finished Kurt was attacked by his team-mates, so much so that the Warblers lost sight of their counter-tenor.

Finally, he made his way to the front. 'Hey Wes? Consider that my audition for Regionals. If these guys can do this song after 8 months, surely the Warblers can pull something together!' With that, he was swept up again. Blaine looked at Wes, who seemed to be in shock.

'Kurt, give up his funk? You had to be kidding right?'


End file.
